Spring (gratitude) awakening

Today I'm grateful for the fresh clean pure smell of spring and the ten minute walk I had to enjoy it.

Tuesday gratitude

Three days in and I already fell off the gratitude wagon.

Right now in this moment as it is I am grateful for a cat in my lap who wants nothing more than the palm of my left hand for his head to curl up into.

Day3. Yogic gratitude

A friend of mine was telling me how her yoga teacher was inviting them to set aside time each day to acknowledge themselves for just being them...as they are in their entirety.

So today I am grateful that I am who I am and you are who you are. And it's perfect, just the way it is.

gratitude. day 2.

I'm grateful for the 45 minutes I got to talk to my mom on the phone tonight. I haven't connected with her since I skyped her in israel.

others that made my list today:

-whole foods take out for dinner

-2 hours of pure television delight

-being in bed at 9:46

365 days of gratitude

make that 366 days.

today I am grateful for the gift of an extra day, snow and the senses to experience it all.

more on my mission later.

random ramblings. aka mental diarrea.

today was day 2 of my second week of yoga teacher training.
it's interesting what's come up for me now, in comparison to what came up for me last time.

i remember entering into it last time in a place of stagnation. i was neither here nor there, and couldn't shake a feeling of entrapment. suffocated by the idea of 'i have to do this' or 'i can't do that'. i remember being in a place where i was questioning how i was, what my identity was. part of this feeling of suffocation was stemming from an inquiry within myself as to what i wanted to do with the rest of my life, who i wanted to be. i'd always been a fashion designer (a successful one at that) and who would i be if i was no longer this successful thing?

what would i answer to the always present question of: 'what's new' if it wasn't work related?
where would i travel if it wasn't for work? would i travel if it wasn't for work?

who would i be?

it's scary shit to strip away all the identities we associate ourselves with to get down to the core of what makes us us. and i was in a place of fear, clinging to the identity of 'designer' because i was scared that without it, i would be nothing.

what i realized during those 9 days was that this wasn't an identity that i was stuck with, or had to be, but rather an identity that i had chosen for myself. i am a designer because i want to be, not because i have to be. i'm a designer because i love vintage handbags, accessories in general, and really killer style. i'm single not because i have to be, but because i choose to be. i'd rather be single than in a relationship with someone who isn't worth my time.

restoring this choice back into my life, no matter how small it may seem, has been unbelievably liberating.

right now, i'm in a place of extreme gratitude. a place of thankfulness, for my family, my friends, and the blessings God has given me. i'm on the cusp of a new, wonderful, and amazing journey.

all stirred up

it's been a crazy week, between the disaster in japan and libya, combined with initial proto and the 'will we or won't we' of onsite, it's no wonder friday at 2 pm i hit a wall of sheer exhaustion.
the weekend didn't get any easier, but it's been amazing. one of self-discovery and responsibility. thank you seane corn workshop and my amazing vancouver family.

here's my reply to oh-my-life. if you haven't heard of this online journal, i highly suggest you sign up. it's amazing. it allows me to ramble to the universe without dragging others into my vortex. although today i felt the need to share.

this post was about ownership and accountability. by posting this, i am forcing the universe to hold me accountable for my actions.

'today (well, yesterday, since i'm actually writing this sunday morning) was a good day.

it started off bittresweet with a flow class in honor of jayna at 6 am.

i was greeted with darkness and the sky was raining ice cubes. appropriate as it matched my mood.

the class was amazing. danielle led it, and it was mostly gentle stretching, followed by meditation and a namaste circle. never in my life have i felt so connected to those around me.

i've been struggling with living so remotely from my family, and in that moment i realized that while i might not have this person, or that person near me, it doesn't mean i'm alone or that i'm not supported. it just means that my 'family' now is one built up of love, like mindedness and community rather than blood.

in her workshop, seane corn didn't get past the first chakra, which is the one that grounds, supports, stabilizes...the one that has been overactive in my body for the past 5 years.

i realized while listening to her that i've been blaming everything else in my life for the way that i am, instead of taking personal responsibility for it. i can't blame my crazy work hours or the lack of 'social guys in vancouver' for being single, i have to accept that until i love myself, there will be no space in my life to love another human being.

at this moment it is clear to me that the reason the universe put me in vancouver is to learn to love. to love myself, to open myself up to friends that i love, and to eventually learn to trust and love another human being. i am also certain that when i meet this person, he will be my partner for life. i am an old soul, as will he be. i do not love a lot, and neither will he.

my heart is so full at the moment i am on the verge of overflowing, and i'll probably lose it in class today, which is fine. i have a fear of showing emotion, and this is one step towards healing and becoming the person i am meant to be.

learning to love is difficult, and realizing that i am responsible for creating this will not be an easy road to travel.'